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Consider the Following Statement...

“Suicide is not chosen; it happens
when pain exceeds
resources for coping with pain.”

That’s all it’s about. You are not a bad person, or crazy, or weak, or flawed, because you feel suicidal. It doesn’t even mean that you really want to die - it only means that you have more pain than you can cope with right now. If I start piling weights on your shoulders, you will eventually collapse if I add enough weights... no matter how much you want to remain standing. Willpower has nothing to do with it. Of course you would cheer yourself up, if you could.

Don’t accept it if someone tells you, “that’s not enough to be suicidal about.” There are many kinds of pain that may lead to suicide. Whether or not the pain is bearable may differ from person to person. What might be bearable to someone else, may not be bearable to you. The point at which the pain becomes unbearable depends on what kinds of coping resources you have. Individuals vary greatly in their capacity to withstand pain.

When pain exceeds pain-coping resources, suicidal feelings are the result. Suicide is neither wrong nor right; it is not a defect of character; it is morally neutral. It is simply an imbalance of pain versus coping resources.

You can survive suicidal feelings if you do either of two things: (1) find a way to reduce your pain, or (2) find a way to increase your coping resources. Both are possible.

Some people will react badly to your suicidal feelings, either because they are frightened, or angry; they may actually increase your pain instead of helping you, despite their intentions, by saying or doing thoughtless things. You have to understand that their bad reactions are about their fears, not about you.

----
So back to Ben. Why am I like this? Pain. And it's exceeding my ability to cope. Do I plan to take my life? No. But I would like to call a couple of people out without naming names: I'm _NOT_ Emo - But I _AM_ in pain. A LOT of you, whom I call my friends, would just wish my pain away, tell me to get over it, to suck it up, to just "move on." It's not that simple, no, shut up, it's not. If it WAS that simple, if I could just MOVE ON, don't you think I WOULD? I don't LIKE being this way. This is NOT a fun, pleasing, or even advantageous place to be! All cons and no pros, and I hate it. So why am I like this? Have you ever stopped to find out before JUDGING how I am?

Some of you will just push me away even more after reading this, writing me off as being weak, looking for attention, whatever. To those of you, and excuse my french, but FUCK YOU. If that's how you really feel, we'd both be better off without each other.

Some of you won't change your stance at all. To you: Get lost with the others. Friends are supposed to help and support each other - I'm not asking you to solve my problems, but a little support in finding the answer goes a long way. Don't offer solutions, because you obviously don't have them, or I'd be better by now - Instead just offer support. That's what I need right now.

Some of you will see that I just need support, and to those of you, I thank you with all my aching heart... Thank you, my true friends...

My Chinese Zodiac - The Rabbit

I don't believe in horoscopes, but this is pretty damn accurate.

Timid and attractive, the Rabbits of the Chinese Zodiac tend to act more like bunnies, whether they like it or not! This Sign is extremely popular and has a wide circle of family and friends. Its compassionate nature leads it to be very protective of those it holds dear, but where romance is concerned, the Rabbit's sentimentality can lead it to idealize relationships. The sweet, sensitive Rabbit often ends up giving more of itself to a partner than is realistic or healthy. The good news is, when this Sign goes off-balance, the Rabbit's core group of friends and its stable home life help bring it back to center.

The Rabbit is a rather delicate Sign that needs a solid base in order to thrive. Lacking close, supportive friends and family, the Rabbit might just break down in tears at the first sign of conflict. Emotional upsets in this Sign's life can even lead to physical illnesses. Rabbits dislike arguments and other conflict and will try anything to avoid a fight; this results in something of a pushover nature. Rabbits can also lapse into pessimism and may seem stuck in life -- often to mask their insecure natures. Rabbits tend to move through life's lessons at their own, rather contemplative pace; it's a waste of time to become exasperated with this Sign's seeming disinterest in facing its problems and conquering them.

With the right partner -- meaning someone whose high principles won't allow it to take advantage of this sensitive, giving Sign -- the Rabbit can make an incredibly loving and protective partner or family member. Rabbits love to entertain at home and always make sure their house is comfortable and tastefully-furnished. What Rabbits need most is a stronger sense of self-worth and the security that comes with it. Their discerning natures, coupled with some hard-won assertiveness, will help these happy creatures go far.

Ten Four Good Buddy

Well, I'm probably going to enlist into the military. I'm unhappy with the direction my life is (or isn't) going in, tired of feeling stuck, tired of trying to find money to get back to college and never getting the hours I need (in a job that, honestly, I hate). So I'm going to enlist in the Army and try and put some of my crazy life back together... and get paid to learn some awesome life skills. And, hey, other guys in uniform seem to have no problem finding a lovely woman to call their own - Maybe it'll work for a nerd like me, too.

But anyway, on to more ramblings... which I have not done in a long while...

I saw Wolverine: Origins or whatever it was called tonight. Didn't like it that much. They _REALLY_ screwed up on Deadpool. I mean, REALLY messed up. That is not the Wade I know and love... nowhere NEAR it. Ugh... And don't even get me started on Gambit...

I've decided never again to go to a midnight showing of a movie... no, I'm not "exhausted" after I go to them (quite the opposite, usually), but I'm lonely. What, lonely? Yes, lonely. I walk to my car - alone. I drive home - alone. I get home, quietly, and go up to my room - alone. No one to say goodnight to (they're asleep), no one to greet me. It's kind of cold and depressing...

Ever driven on the road in the twilight hours, especially roads not connected to any major highways? They're empty. That just adds to the loneliness - The quiet, dark, empty loneliness.

Now, before I'm written off as an emo, no, I'm not a dark, empty soul whom no one cares about. I have a lot of caring friends and I have a great, loving family. I'm not "alone." At least not all the time. But it's in those dark, quiet moments when loneliness REALLY hits me... And I just can't seem to shake it.

I really need a good cheering up... Maybe I'll just try to close my eyes and sleep, do my best to enjoy tomorrow... Er, or, today.

Whatever!

Current Song Addiction - Panic Switch by the Silversun Pickups